It has been so long since she had felt the warmth of one of her childhood friends, and now Touya was the only one left. It was only with Touya she could feel this nostalgic sense of comfort. She practically melted into him as she held on. On a normal day before all of this, Touya and Bianca would be on the floor laughing as Cheren chewed her out about tackle hugging people…but Cheren was no more—just like Touko…to her anyways. The names, even in her mind, were too painful.
She often wished she still lived in her delusional world of the apocalypse and zombies. Thinking everyone was dead as she drank the months away…
“I thought…you…” Her head rested on Touya’s shoulder, taking her words slowly so nothing sounded apologetic or thankful. ”I couldn’t take it anymore. He chose you, and then I was nothing. He didn’t trust me anymore. He wouldn’t let me help him anymore. I wanted us all to get better together, and I thought we were…but…” Her grip tightened. ”Instead of the three of us, it was the two of you…You would always chose him over me. So when I exploded…when I finally had enough of him mistrusting me and pitying himself and all…I…I thought you would hate me like he has to hate me now. Because…it’s the two of you and not the three of us…”
Bianca was afraid to let go now. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for what she did (which was a lie, she had gotten so much better being away from Cheren), but that would be another apology on the stack, and she had already said sorry once.
Steeling herself, Bianca let go and took a few steps back, trying to make the heavy situation go away, she was going to hop back, smile, and offer to get Touya something to drink while they worked out the Hue situation.
What happened, however, was she fell backwards over a Mareep and fell onto her but with a loud cry of pain…silly clumsy Bianca. After the confusion wore off, she did manage to smile.
“Y-You’re still going to help, right?” She said from the floor with a smile. “We’re…still okay, right?”
It ached a little to hear that Touko wasn’t regarded in the whole scheme, but he wouldn’t say anything about it. As far as he knew, she had never come into proper contact with Cheren or Bianca, and it was probably fear on her own part considering the whole affair with the former, but it didn’t stop him from grinding his teeth ever so slightly, or the buzz in his head that told him to slow down and that it can’t be helped. But of course, he couldn’t, she mattered too much to him and he didn’t care if the other two didn’t think of her as much.
"It’s always going to be the four of us." Came his firm reply, pulling back ever so slightly to meet her gaze and stare down the green pools swirling in watery eyes. "I’m not going to choose between any of you as far as friendship comes, it… it doesn’t matter how many times you leave or how many fights you have with him, none of that compares with the amount of memories I have with you that are good and that I treasure more than my blanket—" Scoff. "— Which I definitely don’t still have, but anyway, the point still stands. Just because I love Cheren… it doesn’t mean I don’t love you or Koko Pops as my best friends, even if he doesn’t have the best relationship with both of you." The crack in his voice wasn’t supposed to be there, especially not when it came to his feelings about the raven, and after he finished his sentence, Touya came to a precipitous road block in his night light drive to persuasion.
This really was killing him, wasn’t it. Metaphorically, of course, he wouldn’t ever go back to that night in the kitchen with a knife buried in clenched hands and a whining voice screaming at him from the other side of the door, but now it was only getting worse. Circumstances were bad, then, it wasn’t this pretend bullshit where they pursued happiness and in the end, were left with an immortal and perpetual grief, just adding onto the already accumulated worry and exhaustion over this past year alone. Three years, if you counted the sightless turmoil through the days they hadn’t seen each other. Touya despised thinking about it in his free time, the fact their lives hadn’t brought each other together, but had infact left one or two on their own, and drove the rest away—
A bright squeak brought him back to his senses, and abashedly he stared forward with a blink or two before it registered wholesomely that she had fallen over. And then she smiled, a beautifully sad upturn of the lips, which was horribly cliche and he felt kinda sick for just thinking of it like that, but it fit, so remarkably enough he didn’t bother groaning at himself. Too bad her question left him feeling incredibly split between what to answer.
'Yes, I'll help, and no, we're not okay.'
That was what he wanted to say, at least. Optimistic as ever, Touya failed to really give a solid answer, feeling the need to say the truth, that everything wasn’t alright and this was just temporary, it was just a dream, something he couldn’t even possibly tell her. After his speech about how everything would be alright, how they had to have hope, it would be incredibly pessimistic and hypocritical, if not just down right demoralizing and far ahead in the dejection, they would probably still be facing the same problem all along. A long time ago, he had learned that jealously and rejection were always going to be tied together, and those two matters were precisely the reason nothing would ever be the same. He couldn’t live a double life, he couldn’t pretend everything was fine and dandy when he lived in a house with a man whose shattered ideals and shards for words was living proof that they couldn’t make things better.
And as such, he barely found it in himself to come here. Visiting was abrupt and therefore his feelings were similarly executed, sort of smashed with a thousand little pieces of glass representing his thoughts, and each kind of just stabbed into him and demanded to be felt, like pain, like sticky note reminders with tape for application. Rocking back onto his heels and propelling himself skyward to stand, he bit back a sigh and took her petite hand in his own, giving a little tug to lift her back from the floor.
"Yeah, let’s get your life back on track."
“I’m sorry.” It was the first thing to come to mind and it slipped out so fast she couldn’t stop it. She did catch herself before she started on about how all of this had to be her fault. She was apologising for putting stress on Touya, and she couldn’t really stop. ”I…I shouldn’t have…” Any confidence she had went out the window at that point—She shouldn’t have left, she shouldn’t have yelled at Cheren, she shouldn’t have snapped and moved in with Cheren, she shouldn’t have lived in the lab, she shouldn’t have fought with her parents, she shouldn’t have gone on her journey…
“S-save your congratulations.” Bianca tried to move her mind along to other things. ”When I actually get my license—We’ll celebrate. The four—…” Then with a slight squeek to her voice “thre—…” and then with her voice a meek defeated whisper “We’ll celebrate…Us.”
She could only nod as her friend offered to talk to Hue. Bianca had no idea what to do about all of this. Mareep everywhere. Sometimes she wanted to find Kyouhei and Mei and sick Stouty on them. No remains…Heck, give her a few sips of alcohol and put her in a room with them. Anything for Hue…
With her head still hung low, she moved forward and pulled Touya into a hug. Gentle, scared, tired…but a hug nonetheless.
Ah, of course, they had batted around the bush for too long now, walked on the pavement because the road felt dangerous to tread upon, and Bianca’s weak eyes and withering pride took the leap before avoiding it became the awkward part. Caught in silence, his voice box beckoned for action, and yet his mouth didn’t open, because whatever she said had rendered him as speechless as his thoughts had earlier, as though his best friend was still his best friend and could read his face like no other. Not only had his breath caught, but his chest had caved in a way that his heart felt stilted and tied all of a sudden, naturally because it was her of all people, and he couldn’t stand to see the young woman in distress despite the past months or so of complete and utter agony among all of them.
And he was almost angry, he really was, annoyed and frustrated that this had gone so far. Far enough that she probably felt alone again. Singling their little group down to himself and her proved that she felt as though she had lost the man she loved, twice, in the space of a year, and it was no wonder she was as torn up with abandonment issues as she was. Hue might have been physically present, he might have been around, but what the fuck was he thinking? Apologizing wasn’t in the mix, between the five of them, sorry was probably the word that ran around their heads like a taunting child waiting to be thrown out at any moment, but it wasn’t the right thing to say, and whatever was didn’t have a word.
"Please don’t apologize or thank me…" Touya began lightly, stiff under her hold until relaxing became a necessity within the first few seconds, and he tightly slid his arms around her thinning form, nothing like what she had delivered.
"I-.. guess I say this a lot, that we don’t have to narrow bodies down, and that I think that by the end of all of this, there’ll be some light we’ll all be happy with, but I need you to have hope. Try as we might, there’ll always be something holding us back from happiness, but we have a right to the pursuit, and you didn’t do anything wrong but try to do just that… so don’t apologize, Bibi, you don’t have to." A large mess of word vomit just came and he wasn’t sure if it had been resting in his arduous mind all along, or it was the moment itself, the warmth of her hold and the chance to see that even if she wasn’t completely alright, she was stable. Happiness was on the list but stability contributed to that ever growing need for bliss in their lives, and the reason they all needed to keep on fighting
“Hue…Hue won’t like us taking them from him. They all have a name. I don’t know how he tells them apart—if he even really is telling them apart…” She sighed glancing behind her at the sleeping Hue on the couch. ”I’m…worried. He spent so long dealing with me, then we come here and he’s the one that has gone downhill.”
She didn’t want to think of how she left…not with Touya before her and not seeming angry at her for her outburst at Cheren. She DEFINANTLY didn’t want to think about that. That was a topic Bianca kept out of the forefront of her mind—occuping that space with studying and Hue(mostly Hue).
“Stressed?” Bianca hummed the word. ”Like, all the stress I put on him caught up?” She had guessed that was what what Touya meant, but she wasn’t one-hundred percent sure.
“I-I keep putting off taking my test to get my professor license. I’m too worried about Hue to leave him alone. First the ghosts and closets and it all moved into brownies and mareeps. The brownies are good, but…He’s eating all of them before I get any…and I keep telling him that I can start up anywhere—the professor offered to help set me up anywhere I wanted—but other than this mareep farm, he hasn’t given me any ideas. I want him to choose because I would end up putting him someplace worse than this…” Still very little self confidence in her, but it was better than when she was under Touya’s desk…
Whether it was appropriate enough was another thing, but the urgency seemed to make it appropriate on its own. Part of him felt like telling her that yes, his downfall was possibly because of the abrupt departure and the overall stress that came with arriving in a place giving him more than enough to worry about - or so he had heard, ghosts or something like that - but either she knew that, or didn’t want to hear it, and if it was the latter then it was best not to say it out loud. Not yet, at least.
"No-… not exactly, I think all of us put stress on each other in some form, so it isn’t entirely your fault that he’s like this." Hue had been one of the people who hadn’t shown it yet, weakness to abandonment, especially given the fact his two best friends since childhood had left him to elope on their own regard, and yet he had remained strong. Touya would be lying if he said he hadn’t been waiting for him to crack with the added situations, the bonus, the lucky prize, yet he didn’t expect that it would be because he had unsuspectingly started on weed. By the sounds of it, the hackneyed blonde didn’t have a clue, either.
"Right…" Despite them trying to move on with their lives, sickness in mentality was still the main issue, and damn he could relate to that far too much to leave them hanging. He would have made a remark about how proud he was for her to achieve what she had in her recruitment field, but that would only make things awkward. In kinder words, I’m supposed to be your best friend but I had no clue you had accepted such success and I’m happy for you, although I wasn’t there, and although that wasn’t the mild version, it was the blunt realization both would come to upon him saying it. ‘Congratulations.’
That was how damp their lives had become; congratulations was a taboo word.
"I’ll talk to him. I know I don’t have much right given the distance, and… yeah, I guess this is sort of my fault in the long run too, but it’s the least I can do, right?" A cloud ran against his leg, "And… hopefully, it’ll set his mind straight about the sheep farm. Something’s telling me these guys are only a substitute for something, it’s just too random, you know?" Crouching down, he poked the cotton experimentally to check the electricity within the coating, before patting the fluffy body with a sigh. "It’d make sense if he had a sudden obsession with body building, but not sheep."
He seemed shocked, and she couldn’t blame him. ”But…Pest control would kill them…” She opened the door fully, and a few from inside wandered out to their friends on the outside. She held onto the door in case they bumped into her.
The soon to be professor couldn’t kill the poor innocent Pokemon that Hue was relocating to her house…
It took a few seconds to realize this was the first time she had talked to Touya in forever, and she probably sounded too tired to function given her normally cheerful self, so she smiled as brightly as she could, though she kept her voice low.
“Hue said you were here before and thought we had sex…He was hiding from ghosts then. I really think all of this finally broke him…Though if this is really what he wants I wish he would have waited for me to get my professor’s license and we moved somewhere with more room…”
"Good point, although we could probably convince them to just hand them over to the PPA or something." He pondered, wiggling on one leg as one of the thirty musketeers ran past him at alarming speeds, and then sighing once the storm flushed away. Far too many for it to be comfortable; the wear was already taking a toll on the usually jubilant Bianca.
Which was really the thing he most wanted to think about, given how their last occurrence had been a night of alcohol and crying before he had been left with silence and a text message explaining dreadful circumstances. The space she had left in both of person and his home carefully delivered the dread like some sort of slow, deliberate and planned mess, and in a way, he supposed it might have been planned all along; just delayed by friendship.
"Uh—…" Cut off by the stun of her words, Touya blinked once, twice, and then shook his head. Honestly, he hadn’t expected Hue to tell her he suspected them of sex - it wasn’t in the youngest’s nature, but maybe it had been called for. Who knew. "Broken’s a bit of a difficult thing to say, I prefer stressed." Starting for the door, he peeked inside to make sure his new cotton buddies hadn’t took over the place like a mafia, but it seemed most had already fled outside.
"You’re moving from here then? Any plans — aside from getting a farm, that is."
She was shocked when she got a notification, wondering if she got spam or something—that was more likely than Touya texting her back. However it was Touya, and it brought a small smile to her face to realize Hue was right and Touya probably didn’t hate her as much as she thought.
I don’t know what is going on, but if you can make it inside and want to, come in. He’s sleeping on the couch. There are more inside.
With that message she ran back down the stairs, being careful to not trip over anything or make any noises—Hue was sleeping and when he’s sleeping he can’t recruit more Mareeps into his army.
Slowly she cracked the door open to see if Touya was outside, but made no noises.
It was a fulfilling feeling to have a text from her again, especially one that wasn’t in block capitals, and if he hadn’t received another one, he would have probably been standing outside all night with a bunch of sheep until the lights finally went out.
More inside? Wait, more what?
Whatever it was, he hoped that the invasion hadn’t spread to the insides, to which he would agree that yes, this was probably more of a problem than he had expected. Hue had become a shepherd over the past few weeks so it seemed. Awkwardly tip toeing in and out of the fluffy clouds wandering around the greenery, chewing and nipping at anything in sight, it took him a few minutes to avoid getting bitten and actually get to the front door.
A slither of light crept from the door like the heavens finally welcoming him into the afterlife after suffocation by sheep, only to see that yeah, more sheep were inside. “Heeeey, uh… I think you’re going to need pest control here or something, not me…”
She had finally talked Hue into sleeping on the couch with their newest housemate. She shouldn’t really care all that much—She was lacking in the pokemon department and Hue’s wandered around, so other than Stoutland, Meinshao and Whismur, the house was pretty pokemonless…
but he wanted to start BREEDING them. He was going to become Professor Juniper’s younger half…
So running up to her room, she got out her xtransever and started to furriously type to the only person she thought would give her sane advice at this point, despite their current situation.
HUE WANTS TO TURN MY HOUSE INTO A MAREEP FARM WHAT DO I DO?! I THINK I BROKE HIM.
This was what you called a chance, sort of, as in one of those risky chances that you shouldn’t take but you decide to, anyway, because there’s a certain hopelessness pushing you towards it.
At least, that was what he told himself, meandering down the old road of Route one, entering the gross Town he called his own once upon a time, and happening upon a small army of sheep growing in the front yard of the settlement he had spoken about. Technically, he expected the blonde’s alerting message was just supposed to sound an alarm for advice, not for a visit, but at least now he could see the damage up front.
Whatever damage Mareep entailed, outside of eating clothes and the majority of the grass in the garden.
uh can i ask why he wants mareep of all things... just wondering... i mean they look cute but im kind of confused and i know he's on drugs but i'm outside your house and the appeal is kinda lacking
This should have been awkward, but the random ‘baa’ and ‘ree’ of the flock was more than enough to make him uncomfortable around them rather than Bianca.
“Hug a Mareep Touyii, they make you feel better!”
"If there’s anything I can deduce from those brownies that got me high a few weeks ago, it’s that you’re still eating them and you’re high off your ass right now…"